Clicking the Israeli flag brings you the latest breaking news from the Middle East
Israel Faxx Presents
The Three Terrors
YouTube has pulled 'We Con The World,'
but you can still see it at
http://www.canaancommunications.us
|
Visit the Israel News Faxx blog
'I am Israel'
A new film by Aish.com
The time in Israel is now
|

Palestinian minister insists New York belongs to the Muslims
History of the Middle East in a couple of minutes
The Weekly Portion of Tanach
Israel Publishes Gaza Travel Guidebook For Pro-Hamas
Freedom Flotilla
By Omri Ceren (parody)
FROM: Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs
TO: Free Gaza Freedom Flotilla
RE: Gaza Tourism Guide
Dear Crazy People,
We’ve been given to understand that you intend to stage another media stunt,
wherein you’re again going to float some empty ships – they may be full this
time, they were mostly empty last time – in the general direction of the
Gaza Strip. Your hope is apparently that your cameramen will capture the
Israeli reaction and edit it into an overreaction or, failing that, simply
reprint your feverish fantasies with slack-jawed credulity. Again.
Our problem isn’t so much that your goal involves obfuscating the millions
of tons of food and aid we’ve delivered to Gaza civilians, which allowed
Hamas to move money away from infrastructure and into weaponry, which led to
more of our cities getting bombarded with rockets and missiles.
It’s not even how, knowing that we deliver 15,000 tons of goods every week,
your 10,000 tons of concrete isn’t exactly a shining testament to your good
intentions. Not when just last week we handed over 810,209 liters of heavy
duty diesel fu el, 21 truckloads of milk powder and baby food, 897 tons of
cooking gas, 66 truckloads of fruits and vegetables, 51 truckloads of wheat,
27 truckloads of meat, chicken and fish products, 40 truckloads of dairy
products, 117 truckloads of animal feed, 36 truckloads of hygiene products,
38 trucks of clothing, 22 trucks of sugar and 4 trucks of medicine and
medical equipment. But again: not the issue.
Really what we’re concerned about is that you suck at driving boats. Last
time you only had one ship and you still managed to crash it because – of
all things – you tried to outmaneuver an Israeli Navy vessel. This time
you’re bringing nine boats. While we fully expect our Navy to interdict all
of you, a legal and justified act under black letter maritime law, the odds
are overwhelming that one of you tools is going to accidentally ground your
boat. Given your obvious intention of creating a spectacle and your
similarly obvious inability to manage same, it’s pretty much inevitable.
If and when that happens, we’d like you to have at least some sense of how
to survive in Gaza City. The alternative is you running across the border –
complaining the whole time about our security checkpoints – and that would
be awkward for everyone.
So we’ve put together this Gaza Tourism Guide, complete with picture
galleries, which we believe to be the most comprehensive ever assembled on
the web.
We know that after looking over everything, you’ll be as excited to stay in
Gaza as we are to have you there. Feel free to pass this on at your ISM
tabling sessions at Evergreen or whatever you people do on college campuses
in between advocating genocide. And in the future, if you really want to
repeatedly create Gaza media spectacles so you can damage Israel’s
reputation, do what everyone else does. Join the UN.
WHERE TO SLEEP
Gaza City’s luxury hotels are located on the Gaza coastline in the posh
district of Ramal, which gets its name from the Arabic word for “sands.”
Ramal serves as a central gathering place for international and domestic
dignitaries. Foreign officials are often found in the area, speaking about
Gaza’s unbearable plight at the Palestinian Centre for Human Rights during
the day, before retiring to the United Nations beach club at night. Top
Hamas officials also congregate in the area, and can be easily identified
during wartime as the ones hiding in the half-bunker/half-silo basement of
the district’s Shifa Hospital. As can be expected the accommodation s and
eateries in Ramal are superb.
At the far end of the luxury spectrum, the Grand Palace Hotel has a direct
beach view and puts guests literally across the street from the
Mediterranean Sea. The building’s decadent Crystal Hall – included in the
gallery below – makes it a much-desired banquet location for first weddings,
second weddings, and martyrdom celebrations. Those seeking to secure the
room are advised to book well in advance.
The Grand Palace’s sprawling facilities also make it a prime location for
political and corporate events. When Fatah leader Nabil Shaath returned to
the Gaza Strip in 2010, entering the territory for the first time since
Hamas had violently seized control in a 2007 campaign that involved shooting
out the kneecaps of Fatah-linked civilians, throwing them off roofs, and
executing them in the streets – this is where Shaath met with his Hamas
counterparts.
If you’re looking for a younger vibe you might want to check out the Marna
House. The warm family-run establishment is like a home away from home.
Though it’s Gaza’s oldest hotel, the blending of modern luxury with the
ethos of anti-Zionist resistance has made it a favorite with college-aged
ISM volunteers. Stable Internet means guests can – and do – blog about the
savagery of targeted Israeli self-defense operations, tweet about the
wonderful bravery of Hamas’s human shields, and even upload galleries of the
beach side terrace to Flickr. Since the clientele skews young, it’s no
surprise that past guests have set up a Marna House hotel & restaurant
Facebook page so they can “share memories” of their bitter twilight struggle
against Occupation. The crappy resolution on the uploaded photos is a
testament to the grittiness of the experience:
The Al Deira hotel, built along Gaza’s coast in sun dried mud bricks, is an
option somewhere in between the Al Deira and the Marna House. Though the
hotel boasts 22 spacious rooms and a world-class staff – enough so that some
regular Western European diplomats and anti-Israel human rights
investigators actually prefer it to the Grand Palace – the experience exudes
down-to-earth Mediterranean hospitality. Bookworms will find a shop in the
lobby specializing in Middle Eastern works of fiction, historical
biographies, and conspiracy theories demonizing Jews. Wireless Internet is
available for $2/hr or $10/day, and a fully equipped business center is
available for $6/hr.
WHERE TO SHOP
Gaza’s markets are simply overflowing with goods supplied by hundreds of
smuggling tunnels, from food and clothing to widescreen TVs and even live
cows. The depth and breadth of the selection is so astounding that smaller
tunnel operators are actually getting run out of business because they can’t
compete with the scale of the larger operations.
Tourists hoping for bargains may nonetheless find themselves disappointed,
however. Gaza’s relatively healthy per capita income – higher than India’s
as a result of being the world’s largest per-capita aid recipient – keeps
demand robust and prices stable.
Still, wily locals will know where great deals can be found. Don’t be afraid
to ask for tips, either from your hotel clerk or from the attentive
Hamas-provided tour guides who will be accompanying you everywhere. If
you’re lucky they might be able to track down one of the souvenir Goldstone
headscarves, honoring brutal apartheid judge Richard Goldstone. They’ve
unfortunately been selling out all over Gaza, so nothing’s certain. Much
more common are open air swap meets filled with kids selling automatic
weapons.
Many tourists, especially Americans, find bartering to be distasteful or
uncomfortable. This is especially true in the hustle and bustle of a market.
If it’s not your cup of tea, you can head over to Gaza’s professional and
well-stocked supermarkets for the kind of experience that you would find in
any American chain.
WHERE TO DINE
All of the major luxury hotels have food facilities, with the seaside
terrace restaurant at the Al Diera hotel being a local favorite. It’s known
for its view, its mezes (small Mediterranean-style dishes), and its fresh
strawberry juice. Gazans will top the juice off with a scoop of vanilla ice
cream, which is perfect for getting through the hot desert summer days.
If you’re looking to get away from hotels, you can’t do better than Roots.
The well-known restaurant, part of the Cactus for Development Group’s family
of fine dining restaurants – “new standards in the hospitality business in
Palestine!!!” – emphasizes that you should call ahead for reservations.
Their full blown interactive menu here.
Visitors are strongly cautioned not to drink tap water while in the Gaza
Strip. The Palestinians have severely over pumped Gaza’s wells, perhaps
irreparably depleting the water table and leaving it open to mass
contamination. Ground water is therefore not potable. Stick instead to
bottled water, which is regularly supplied by Israel and imported through
smuggling tunnels.
WHERE TO PLAY
Gaza summers revolve around whatever Gaza beaches aren’t being used at the
time to hack up critically endangered sea turtles for their ostensibly
magical blood. Whether it’s relaxing with friends, exercising with a
partner, or watching an AP stringer set up photo shoots in anticipation of
captions about beach life being “the only escape available to Gaza children”
– there’s always something interesting going on.
The beaches do get crowded, and the new mandatory Hamas dress code makes
them somewhat drab, so at some point you may want to join other relatively
wealthy foreigners at Gaza’s nearby, full-time luxury spa. There you’ll find
a steam room, a sauna, a small gym and a beauty parlor that offers facials
and massages.
WHERE TO DRINK
Unfortunately, the Hamas government declared a total ban on alcohol
importation and consumption in 2009. Even hotels frequented by
well-intentioned Westerners such as you are banned from serving liquor, a
substance that Muslims find objectionable. Stores and clubs that fail to
adhere to the ban get bombed.
WHERE TO WORSHIP
Unfortunately, non-Muslims will find few options for worship in the Gaza
Strip. The synagogues left by withdrawing Israelis were immediately
desecrated and destroyed. Most Christian churches were long ago transformed
into mosques. Visitors are also advised to avoid gathering in Christian
bookstores, which increasingly get bombed, or around actual Christians, who
increasingly get killed.
WHERE TO DANCE
Unfortunately, Hamas has banned women from dancing, as well as from wearing
all but the most conservative outfits.
WHERE TO LISTEN
Unfortunately, music shops and performances have also been deemed un-Islamic
in recent years, to the detriment of music shop owners and performers.
WHERE TO GET ONLINE
Unfortunately, visitors are advised to avoid Internet cafes because they get
bombed.
Hitler Finds Out About the Kiddush Club
|
Why Jews don't believe that Jesus is the Messiah YOU SAY YOU WANT CHANGE?By Frances Bernay-Cohen I can't speak for you, but my grandparents came to the United States to find a refuge from "change." They came to The United States where their basic freedoms were guaranteed by the Constitution; where they could build a future on this solid ground. Whether our forefathers and forI'm sure you will find some truth in this song. |
Search \
|
|
|
Click Below to View Film Air France flew from the U.S. to Israel during the early 1950s. They flew Lockheed Constellations and the flying time was 20 hours. This promotional film - in English for an American audience - shows Israel as it was three years after the War of Independence . Please click photo |
|
|
|
Electronic World Communications Inc claims the
copyright of all material and information written by Don Canaan.
All rights reserved. Reproduction of Mr, Canaan's text for
non-commercial purposes is permitted provided that both source
and author are acknowledged and a request made to dcanaan at
israelfaxx dot com.. All material on these web pages is © 2001-2010 by Electronic World Communications, Inc. Design by E-Carnate Web and Media. |